Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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