five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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