K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
