woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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