hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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