I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
