pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
In America we eat man semen.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
