I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's blow job season.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
