I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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