yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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