I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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