By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
im on a boat
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