hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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