Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
