He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
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It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
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The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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