I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
