She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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