There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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