I can't breathe out the right side of my face
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
