i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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