i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
