I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
