You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
