Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
