The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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