So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
