the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
