just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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