meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
