I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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