i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
