Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
