...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
