I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
