I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
