You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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