i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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