So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
