my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
