You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
