seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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