john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Randomize
