yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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