I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
my being single is dangerous.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
