And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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