Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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