So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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