if only i could text you this smell
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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