hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
