I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I skipped work to stalk him.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
