Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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