All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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