...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
