I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
