The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
