Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
