i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
