it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
