Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
