I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm passing your future prison.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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