i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
