cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
