she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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