What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
