i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
