your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
