Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
