remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
