all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
